A Confession

Do you remember my post in May about being pathetically tall and flabby? I told myself I would kick it into gear. It is about four months later, and I have yet to follow my own advice. My proof: the love handles that have taken over my waist, the lack of triceps or biceps, and the fact I'm most likely sucking in my stomach when this picture was taken.

My sneakers have been used maybe six times since May, and I did a total of two weeks of Pilates sessions in my room.

Currently, I have cheese puffs to my right, Peanut M&Ms to my left, and an empty glass of apple juice behind me. A seemingly horrible combination, I know, but when eaten separately, it is munchies bliss.

When I was a child, these things were never permitted in the house. But now that I am an adult and have full access to junk food, I just can't seem to get enough.

I wish working out was something that I enjoyed as much as doing crafts, but I hate the pain and the smells and I also find it all incredibly boring . Also, now that I know that my wedding gown is fully adjustable whether or not I lose or gain weight, I have lost even more urge to head to the gym.

It doesn't help that Brandon is so good at telling me that I am beautiful and still checks me out, even after five years together (boy, am I lucky). He makes me feel like I don't have to change a thing, although I know that he wishes I took better care of myself.

My only drive now is pure guilt. I want to look my best for Brandon, and I want to be healthy so that we can live long lives together.

While I have come to accept that I will never get myself to work out daily, there are some effortless things that I can continue to do in hopes of losing those extra five to eight pounds:

-Buy groceries that are low-fat, sugar-free, light, low in calories, etc.

-Drink more water

-Eat more fiber. I started taking Benefiber on Monday, and I have already dropped two pounds.

-I signed up for a strength training class two times a week at Fullerton. If anything will get me to work out, it is the pressure of maintaining a high GPA.

-Realize that I don't have to clean my plate, even if it is so good.

The BFG

When did I turn into the Big Friendly Giant? I'm about half a head taller than any of my female friends and most of my coworkers. In fact, some of the other girls at work are so tiny that I often bump into them because they are shorter than my eye level. Why can't I be tiny, cute, and petite? I would much rather be pocket-sized than towering.

My height is supposed to be something to envy. I'm about 5'7", which isn't freakishly tall, but I hate it, and would like to shrink a couple of inches.

I can't wear sexy heels, but instead am always on a hunt for stylish flats that are within my twenty dollar budget. No wedges for me. Just Old Navy flip flops. Any dress I try on at Forever 21 becomes skank short instead of just short.

But my height isn't the only thing that makes me self conscious these days. It's the extra layer of fat that has magically appeared around my belly, arms, thighs, and butt over the past few years. I was once thin and had great definition in my stomach and arms. I didn't have to work for it at all, but just claimed that I was "lucky and Chinese."

The weight and body change began after P.E. was no longer mandatory for seniors. That fourty-five minutes of playing games with friends was taken for granted, because now I am supposed to go run and exercise on my own. What? Unfathomable!

I was lying in bed one day a couple of years ago when I realized that my body felt different. Things were pushing up against me that were not originally there. And then it hit me that I was growing love handles. Was it just a horrid case of the Freshman 15? In order to fight this I went and ordered a pilates DVD from Amazon.com, which worked for the first month I did it, but then Brandon came home for the summer and I decided that I would rather spend time with him instead of working out.

When I run into mothers of old middle school or high school friends the first thing they say is: "Oh, Min! You got fatter! You used to be so thin." Yes, I'm very much aware of this. Thank you for bringing it up....and then I go eat away my pain.

I finally had inspiration to get fit and lose a few pounds when I got engaged. I need to look stunning and fabulous in my wedding gown. I tried to give up sugar, but that lasted for about a week (I cheated twice, but don't tell anyone). I went out and bought some running shoes half a month ago, and have only used them twice since.

Why can't I get myself to work out? Brandon is a fitness nut. He is the type who likes to push himself to the point of vomiting and is exhilarated by that feeling. He will be running in his third marathon the end of May. I am certainly not that type who gets high from being sore and smelly all over. All the power to those who do, but that lifestyle is just not for me.

What is a girl to do? Suck it up. Get sore. Get smelly. Lose five to ten pounds. Give up chocolate. Give up free Oreo smoothies at work. Walk the dog. Go run. Eat only when hungry, not when bored, stressed, and/or procrastinating.

I have seven months to kick my butt into shape. And if all that doesn't work, there's always Spanx.