MOH Guest Post: Bridesmaid dress hunting

The wedding industry can suck it. Hard.



It's been nearly impossible to find anything remotely in local department stores that 1. isn't vomit-inducing hideous, 2. isn't marked up ridiculously high, and 3. flattering for different figures.

See Fig. 1. I am definitely of the "Triangle" persuasion, meaning I can probably shoot out a baby easier than, say, an "Inverted Triangle," but I also have membership in the "Itty Bitty Titty Committee." A dress that might look good on me will not necessarily look good on an "Hourglass."

And apparently, the bubble/sequines craze is apparently sweeping the under-18 crowd.



(Min made me try one on for shits and giggles so we might fool the other girls into believing that purple thing to the left is our bridesmaid dress. For the love of all that is good in the world, I couldn't do it. It was just too mean.)

After hours of searching for something remotely classy, we journeyed to the Macy's in Brea and picked out the best contenders (at the moment) for the "it" dress. The requirements were: affordable, possibly flattering on diverse shapes, classy, red. We failed on almost all counts.

Being the cheap bargain-hunters that we are, we couldn't commit to buying a $70+ dress this early in the game. Ordering dresses from special occasion dressmakers is ridiculous costly and timely, though the options are far prettier and better in quality than department store purchases. We also couldn't find anything RED. Um, wtf? Red is one of the primary colors, fer cryin' out loud. If that middle (black) dress was red, the search would likely be over by now, but nooo. It came in every hue BUT red. The only viable red dress we found was cute but was not comfortable in the least.

If I ruled the world, this J.Crew Silk tricotine Sophia short dress in Vintage Burgandy would cost 4 hugs, 7 kisses, and 1 rainbow.

But I don't rule the world, and the currency in America is not measured in love and affection. It's $150. One freakin' fifty.

For that price, J.Crew better be outsourcing its labor to blind Tibetian monks because this shit's bananas. I'm just sayin'.

MOH guest post!

Hi, Debbie here. I am Min's older (though, not necessarily wiser) sister and her maid-of-honor. I preface this post with a disclaimer. I am not my sister, my soft-spoken, well-mannered sister.

I should start off by saying that I handle surprises in a couple of ways: 1) the bug-eyed silent way, best demonstrated by this emoticon, o_O; and, 2) I make a choking sound and screech "Bitch, whaaa?!"

Interestingly enough, neither of those happened when Min came through the door at 3 AM Christmas morning and said "I'm engaged!"

Clearly, a "Bitch, whaaa?!" would have been appropriate, seeing how she's my younger sister and I can still remember vividly when she used to put bandaids on her bruises. But all I said was "I EFFIN' KNEW IT." And, I did, you know? Like every one of her close friends did. Maybe they don't have a certificate, but they're married in every other sense of the word.

My a-hole (ex)friend went as far as to say that she was wasting her youth. "She should be dating different people before she settles down." Coming from a bitter, pretentious manchild who doesn't date, this statement is quite laughable but he poses a valid point. She is young.

But if you think about it, Min has already achieved most of what anyone can even hope for in a relationship. The fact is, dating is easy when you're young. You go into a bar, say hi, and you exchange numbers. A second or third date, maybe slightly harder. But its goddamn hard to find someone you actually want to wake up with every day for the rest of your life. If she believes she found that then maybe everyone else should mind their own business.

Rant aside, the wedding planning has been fun but it's only in its infancy. Bargin hunting and vendor shopping isn't exactly a day at Disneyland but the exciting stuff is going to happen soon, I hope. Whee, dresses!